General Update + Thoughts

Woohoo, I didn't manage to blog for the whole of August!! Apologies for my absence; I was too busy getting used to life at NIE, shuffling in between hall and home, as well as the new routine in my life known as "change".

I'm someone who dreads changes and so you can imagine how stressful this instability in NIE is for me. For the 5 weeks I've been in that jungle (so named because of the immense greenery that surrrounds and permeates it), my timetable has never been the same. Modules start at different times, and venues for the same module can vary every week just because the lecturers were unable to book the same LT.

Things should start stabilising from next week onwards actually, because all my modules would have started and I just said bye to my lone free day this week. Hopefully my body will stop protesting. It's getting very scary to see how my body is suffering from the stress. I think this weird thing is happening because of stress. I hope so. :S

For those who heard that I had a squatter roommate (Xuefei) the other time, my room has gotten quieter now with her absence. She has left for greener (pun intended) pastures in the sanctuary that is Hall 2. Wow! Hall 2!! Hall TWO!! What a splendid name, as compared to NUS' Sheares, Raffles and King Edward VII!! Zzzz.

Both Xuefei and my current roommate, Kehan, who hail from Chongqing and Sichuan in China respectively, praised me for having a good command of Mandarin. I felt unexpectedly flattered, because they are China Chinese. It was a refreshing change from the usual Singaporean AC ang moh pai type of mock flattery.

Later, however, my ego took a backseat when I found out that two of my new friends who also teach English have an even better command of Mandarin than me. I mean vocabulary-wise. Coupled with the subconscious realisation that I've had all the while that my Mandarin really isn't that fantastic, I think that the Singaporeans whom Xuefei and Kehan have met during their one year plus stay in Singapore must be really poor in their Mandarin.

Sometime last month, I found out something about myself. Once again, it was one of those subconscious gauges I've always had.

Let me ask you: have you ever faced somebody who keeps speaking ill of your best friend?

Worse still, what if that person is also a relatively good friend of yours?

Normal people would stick up for that best friend and show some form of anger at least, in a display of warning to ask the person to not repeat that kind of behaviour.

Cowards would smile and shake it off, only to return home feeling extremely gulity that they hadn't done anything at the time. And those people might just take advantage and continue hurling insults, getting bolder with each unbarricaded opening.

Which leads me to my next thought- is it better to have a frank friend, a friend who drops hints, or a friend who keeps everything to him/herself? And which category do I think I belong to? To both questions, I have no answer, because the answers really depend on the situation I am in.

Just two thursdays ago, I met my aunt for dinner. I had decided to treat her to dinner because she was in a way, the one who had guided me to where I am today. I would have gone to poly if not for her prep talk to get me apply to a JC instead. (Although I do wonder what my life would be like if I had gone to poly and just studied to be a nurse...) Those who knew I was going to meet her asked me if I am close to her. My answer was," Not really...alright lah."

I don't know if I'm being egoistical here, but I think my aunt may think she is close to me. That is because she feels comfortable chatting with me, and told me so.

Which leads me to think - under what circumstances would I consider myself close to someone?

The standard answer would be that the person must be somebody I can behave as myself with, tell about everything under the sun and whom I share an unspoken understanding with.

That being said, I sometimes wonder what I'm doing with my life. Am I pushing people away, or attracting them to me? Am I worth people's attention? (my future students are not counted) Am I capable of handling attention?

I do occasionally feel like I'm just some piece of backup toy, quietly stowed away in a corner until the occasional cleaning of the house, when the owner pulls me out, gives me a routine, obligatory dusting, pets me on the head, smiles sadly and tucks me back into that corner, where I silently look forward to the next time I get pulled out again. Not remembered. Not wanted. Not welcome.

Some Friday when I went to school from home and was going to meet friends for dinner, I dressed up and put on some makeup. Because of that, my clique had a chat about girls with makeup. The only guy in my clique, Cyrus, was asked if guys like girls with makeup. His reply was that most guys might like some makeup on girls, but he is someone who prefers girls to not have makeup on because that is when they look their most natural. The girls in my clique were a little surprised to hear that, and it set me thinking. Later, I asked Sinvert and someone about this too, and they had similar answers.

Then WHAT ON EARTH IS MAKEUP FOR?? Haha. To boost our confidence, I guess, and to make us look more presentable on formal occasions. =)

Alright, I had wanted to blog about all those since 21 August 2009, but just couldn't seem to find the time or mood to do so, like I had told Per =) Thank goodness I had enough of the urge to blog to write down the points that were floating in my head, only to write about them two weeks later. Haha.

Tomorrow is Sunday!! I hate sundays. Happy Sunday to you all nonetheless =)