Insignificance

I thought about it. The reason for my dissonance is because you have exited my life in the quietest way possible, at the same time creating a cacophonous void.

For many years, you've put me at the centre of your life (or at least near there), nearly putting me on a pedestal. Or at least that is how I feel. You've nourished me with your love and care, helping me to forget my hurt from the past. As a result, I became a new person. A more confident and outspoken person. I felt as if the earth revolved around me, and that everything I said, did, or even, felt, would have an impact on others.

Alas, I failed to treasure you. I felt that your love was too stifling for my liking, especially when I had entered into a new phase of my life. I began to draw away from you, perhaps not yet physically, but emotionally, and created a chasm so wide that it would be impossible to fill.

When that chasm extended down into nothingness, I started to see, for the first time in my life once again, how insignificant I really am. I'm a toy, like I said before, played with when needed, and put aside when not. That's what most people are actually. But the fact that I was actually put on a pedestal before I was thrown into limbo makes getting used to the reality of life even worse.

But I have no one to blame, not even myself. Such is life, and I am grateful at least for those few years of being a star. When I look around at those seemingly being made to feel significant, I wonder what is really behind those smiles. Perhaps they are ephemeral, and only last as long as their owners are needed.

Or perhaps that is just the cynical me who wishes to think that no one is truly happy.