Some Kind Of Update That I'm Afraid I May Forget By The Time I Meet You Girls

I just talked to a friend whom I haven't talked to in ages, yesterday.

We had just as much to say in that short amount of time we had together. Rather, in that amount of time that he allowed me. It was, as before, tinged with that feeling where we had to say something or it would be awkward. I wanted to get him on the phone for as long as possible, so I kept trying to fill up the silent spaces whenever any surfaced. However, I was unduly worried. He had more to say than me, especially while I was saying something.

Never once did he pause to let me finish what I was saying, and he also never gave me the chance to finish my sentence after finishing his. It was as if he was more interested to get out his words than to let me have a chance to get mine out. It wasn't a nice feeling at all for someone who's usually reticent.

Anyway, I found out that he has virtually turned into a recluse. He claims to have some kind of inferiority complex that he uses as an excuse for not stepping out of his house unless it's for school or some other outing that he finds important. He also feels that he is not as good as others in terms of image (yes, he still desires to be muscular) and yet - he claims to be too lazy to achieve his goal and improve his image so as to dispel this inferiority complex.

His reason for not going to church is that he has not been there since NS and feels awkward to step in there again. I didn't really want to probe any further. Sorry girls =P

I'd blogged about this because I feel that he has either changed a lot or simply gone back to what he was in the past - the person we never really got to know because he tried very hard to be different while he was in JC. The person he is now.

I am quite disappointed in him. The problem is that he seems to not want to be helped (although he did ask me to help him psychologically and I told him about the spotlight effect and how he should not think that others are always noticing him) and he openly admitted that he is too lazy to do anything to get what he wants (e.g. get a good body); he's just waiting for things to happen.

Sigh.

Anyway, this made me realise something. If you become a spectator in life, you will never be truly happy. So, find out what you want and go for it instead of just settling for the things you don't mind doing or give up your passion because you are afraid to pursue it.

It's time I try to discover for myself what I really like and want to do. Right now, I think I know it, but I'm afraid to be criticised as superficial. Moreover, I don't know how to go about pursuing it.

Sigh.